scripture for a new mama's heart

I have sat here and sat here, trying to think of encouragement for the new mama heart, but I realized none of my words could come close to the words of scripture that I clung to in those early days and continue to hold on to as I press on in motherhood. They're beautiful and sacred days, but you can never be really prepared for the challenge you face. My prayer is you read these and the Lord speaks to and calms your heart. You may feel more alone than you ever have before, but take heart. God is WITH you. He SEES you. He is fighting FOR you. Lean in and rest in His promises. He loves you and trusts you to care for the sweet, sweet child he blessed you with. You ARE enough. He WILL equip you for this job. It's a season that will be gone in the blink of an eye. Soak it up and relish in the beauty of His creation. I love you and I'm here for you. Never hesitate to reach out if you need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. I've been there.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. [Psalm 72:26]

Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. [Psalm 127:3-5]

For you created (baby's name) inmost being; you knit them together in my womb. I praise you because they are fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Their frame was not hidden from you when they were made in the secret place, when they were woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw their unformed body; all the days ordained for them were written in your book before one of them came to be. [Psalm 139:13-16]

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give them to the Lord. For their whole life they will be given over to the Lord.     [1 Samuel 1:27-28]

With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ. [2 Thessalonians 1:11-12]

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens... He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know there is nothing better for people than do be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. [Ecclesiastes 3:1;11-13]

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear. I will help you." [Isaiah 41:14]

when a messy house becomes a heart issue

I've mentioned it before, but I've never fancied myself a good homemaker. I wouldn't do laundry for over a week, I'd leave dirty pans in the sink "soaking" for days, the sink would fill up with dirty dishes while clean dishes were ready to be put away in the dishwasher, and more and more toys would make their way from the play room into the living room, never to be put away again. I was constantly stressed and always had a lingering to-do list in the back of my mind that I was putting off.

I had a LOT of excuses.

I was making memories with the kids.
I was busy.
I'm just not naturally a tidy person.
I never learned to clean from my mom. (Love ya, momma ;-) )
I'd learn how to clean... one day.

Then, a few weeks ago, I had the privilege of hearing Christine Caine speak two times in three days and God opened my eyes to something.

I was NOT being a good steward of the life He's blessed me with.

I was living in chaos and stress by choice. And by making that choice, I was making it for my family. I was stressed, short tempered, and overwhelmed and no where near the wife/mom I so badly desired to be. God gives us 24 hours every single day and I was choosing to waste them away because "I'd learn to clean one day when the kids are older/we have a bigger house/nicer house" and "I'm just not a good homemaker by nature."

Christine said a couple of things that were game changers for me.

We talk about what we don't have and where we're not instead of what we do have and where we are now. Unless you value this moment now, you'll never value that moment then.

Saying 'but God' is putting our inadequacies above God's ability to use us.

God has put me in this (not-so-nice) apartment with a toddler and baby right now. Why do I think that I will magically become a good homemaker when the kids are older and we live somewhere nicer? When I tell God I'm just not good at it, I'm saying that He's not big enough to give me the discipline I need to learn.

This last week has been a total 180. I did major cleaning Monday. The main living part of our house was spotless. So much so, that a friend who comes for dinner every Monday walked in and said, "Oh my gosh, Steph. You've got a kitchen!"

Tuesday I totally reorganized and cleaned the play room and Wednesday I tackled Reuben's room and bathroom. The kicker to all of this... it's all still clean. 

I'm doing simple things like actually putting away laundry every load. What a novel idea. Oh. And I'm putting things away when I'm done with them. Right when I'm done with them. Genius. I load the dishwasher throughout the day, run it at night, and Clint unloads it in the morning before work. It's all so attainable and... dare I say it... easy. *GASP*.

This is in no way a "Go ahead and give me a pat on the back" sort of post. It's more of a "you can do it" post to all the other struggling mamas out there. There is grace in busy seasons of life, don't get me wrong. But wasting your time and being a bad steward of it is just not ok to settle for and dwell in. Pray, pray, pray. You can't change anything in your own power, but through God changing your heart and spirit, you can!

the Lord gives, the Lord takes away. part 2

Here is part 2 of our story. Make sure you've read part 1 before continuing on here. It's crazy to read back through this two years after writing it. By God's grace, we've added another baby to the mix, born only 5 days after the two year anniversary of saying bye to our first. Our sweet, sweet first baby may've not been here long, but it had a lasting impact on me and Clint. We are so very thankful for it's short life and so look forward to meeting it in heaven!

So, the Lord had given us a baby.

And then the Lord took that baby away to be with Him.

I had been meditating in the fact that no matter what, the Lord was to be praised, but seriously? Why couldn't he have just given us that precious babe and never taken it away? Why did he have to bring that scripture up to me over and over and over again? It was like rubbing salt in a wound. Every time I thought of it, I'd instantly be angry that I had to know the side of praising the Lord even when He took something away. Let's be real. It's easy to praise the Lord when He's given us something! When he's taken that something away? It gets a lot harder.

The days following the miscarriage I cried. A LOT. Like an ugly, ugly cry. I'd never felt pain/hurt/sorrow like I did in those days. I was mad at God. SO mad. It wasn't fair. And I felt broken. Why couldn't my body carry a baby? And I felt so, so, so alone. Every where I looked was a reminder of the baby that wasn't going to be coming home with us in December. 

But you know what?

Through all of it, God was good. More than good. He was great.

I'm honestly having a hard time putting into words how well He took care of us and how much he blessed us through the following days, but I want to share some moments so that He gets the glory and so that I'll never forget. Some of them are huge and some of them are so small you'll probably laugh that I even consider them a God thing. But every single one was proof of God not leaving us and was loving us so, so well...

- On Sunday, before we knew for sure what was happening, we jokingly said if we lost the baby, we'd tack on a trip to Disney World before our cruise because "You can't be sad at the happiest place on Earth." When we got off the phone with the nurse on Monday afternoon, Clint said, "Looks like we're heading to Disney." We had no money for that. Like zero. But we needed to get away. To put our minds somewhere else after the 48 hours of torture they'd already endured. Well, between Monday afternoon and Tuesday night before we'd gone to bed, we'd gotten a little over $500 out of no where. We hadn't asked anybody for a single penny, but between friends and family feeling prompted by God, we'd gotten close to $225 and then opened an envelope from our bank that had a $300 check from "overages on our escrow." I asked my dad if that happened a lot and he said no and we've never seen a check like it since that night. The money we'd gotten covered our gas, hotel room, tickets, and food in the park PERFECTLY. None left over, but nothing uncovered.

- Our friends went above and beyond taking care of us. We let our small group know what was going on Sunday and they jumped into action. Our friends Micha and Hunter came over with lunch, watched a movie with us, and prayed over us before they left. Our other friends Cara and Jason dropped off a surprise on our doorstep of goodies for our trip. We had constant texts telling us they were praying for us and encouragement for the long road ahead. God has surrounded us with the best friends we could ever ask for.

- A guy who works in our student ministry as a volunteer worked for Gaylord at the time and told us earlier in the year that he'd hook us up with a room at Gaylord Palms and a car to and from our cruise ship for only $100. We gladly took him up on the offer! So fast forward to Friday. We're exhausted by 6:00 pm because neither of us had been sleeping well so we decided to peace out of Magic Kingdom and go to our room and try and get sleep before our cruise. When we got to our room, we found out it wasn't an average room. He'd gotten us a suite that was bigger than our first apartment! It was gigantic. and perfect. and exactly the surprise we needed to lift our spirits.

- Sitting in our massive suite, our moods still started to droop. Night times were just so hard. Clint was getting ready for bed in the bathroom and I was sitting in the living room, trying not to cry when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and It was a tray full of goodies with a note from JB. Not only were there goodies, they were my FAVORITE goodies! It was Dr. Pepper, Diet Coke, chocolate chip cookies with milk, Peanut M&MS, and a few bags of potato chips. There was no way they knew those were all of my favorite guilty pleasures. It was a God thing. He knew I needed that little ray of sun in that moment.

- We booked our cruise in March 2011 and had it paid off 4-5 months before any of this ever happened. It was not a coincidence that it was 6 days after our miscarriage. The Lord knew we were going to need to get away and had provided it, before we ever knew it was a need. 

Those are just the moments that happened the week after. There've been countless more. Like the fact God put me in a small group of staff wives where 4 out of the other 6 had experienced pregnancy loss. Or the time two dear friends prayed over me, at two different times, saying they felt like the Lord was going to give us another child soon, while I was already pregnant with Reuben and had no idea!

My relationship with Clint and with God changed completely on April 22, 2012. I know, love, and trust Clint in a deeper way than before. We grew up a lot. We were forced to be honest with each other. We saw sides of each other we'd never seen before, even after being best friends since middle school. And I know, love, and trust God more now than I ever have. I had to rely on him. He was my only hope. My only constant in a crazy storm. The only one who had any answers and who could provide comfort that passed all understanding.

Yes, we have a sweet child here on Earth with us now. And pray that we'll have more and more. But there will always be a special place in my heart for that baby. I long for the day I get to meet them in heaven. Until then, my prayer is that their life, no matter how short it was, will count. That what I learned from it will be able to help other women going through the same thing. You are NOT alone.

I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever ask to be put through that. Like, EVER. But.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God. Is. Good.

headbands for hope

Coming down to Florida, where I didn't know anybody, gave me a LOT of extra time to sit and dream. I've been reading Restless and Mama Needs a Do-Over since moving and both have been challenging me and reminding me that while I'm a mom, I'm me. Becoming a mom doesn't mean I can't have my own dreams, aspirations, and passions. So often, I'm stuck in the rut of dirty diapers, smudgey faces, bath time and bedtime routines, and quieting crying children that I forget about myself. A lot of days, it's all I can do to make it to bedtime. And I mean MY bedtime, not theirs. While God has met me in my exhaustion and been good to me, I still felt like there was something missing.

This blog was a step in the right direction. I've always loved writing and communicating. I have a degree in public speaking, for crying out loud! To have a place to write and put all my thoughts in one place has been good for my heart. 

I still felt like I have gifts and passions that just weren't being used. 

One day a few weeks ago, I woke up with a legitimate need to make something. Anything. I was feeling dried up and needed to give my creativity a lap around the track. I ended up whipping Ellie up a headband. 

It was simple, sweet, and I really enjoyed making it. She got a ton of compliments on it and people said they'd love to have one for their kid. It got my wheels turning. I could do that! I could make headbands for other people's kids! But I felt like there needed to be more to it. 

The last few years have taught me that moms need each other. Especially in the beginning. Being a mom is hard. The first several weeks of Reuben's life were harder than I could've ever imagined. It was lonely, depressing, isolating, and painful. I had more support than I could've ever asked for, but I still struggled. I want to use those bad experiences to give other mamas hope.

Enter in Place of Hope. It's a ministry that was born out of Christ Fellowship and now supports children in South Florida from the womb, all the way to out of high school.

Being a young, single mom has to be harder and scarier than I could ever imagine. Place of Hope has a ministry they call Joann's Cottage. They take in mamas and mamas-to-be who have nowhere to go but are choosing life, and give them a roof over their head, food, the opportunity of an education, parenting classes, and so much more, all in a Christ-centered environment. We're talking girls still in high school, girls kicked out of their homes, victims of rape, girls. with. no one. If anyone had the "right" to choose to not have a baby, it's these girls. But they're choosing life. And they NEED support. That's just what Joann's Cottage is giving them! They're meeting their needs on every level-physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

I reached out to them, and I'm so happy to say I get to partner with them to help these mamas!

A portion of every single headband and bib I make and sell will go straight to meeting the needs of Joann's Cottage. It may look different every month, but I'm so excited to share with you how you are able to help bless them, simply by buying an accessory!

All of the info will be on my SHOP page and will constantly be updated with new fabric options and anything I feel led to add to the shop.

Please share this with your friends and consider buying some for birthdays, Christmas, showers, or even yourself---they come in adult size (the headbands, not the bibs ;-) )!

Come alongside me and let's support these new moms! 

homemaker and mama don't always mesh

I always thought that the day I got to be a stay at home mom, my house would become immaculate and we'd always have a fridge full of options and hot, tasty food on the table (where we'd all sit together every night of the week and have rousing conversation while we oohed and ahhed over the deliciousness of the food).

Spoiler alert: That's not the case.

I've been a stay at home mom a little over a year, and I'm still just a few steps ahead of where I was when I worked full time.

If were having people over, we still have to scurry to get it cleaned up in time for them to come in.

The sink is full of dirty dishes more than it's not.

Laundry stays folded piled in the hamper until we wear it again and move it to the dirty clothes hamper (or floor). 

The toy room stays chaotic except for the once a week cleaning Reuben and I do. 

We eat lunch on the floor 6/7 days a week. Sometimes dinner if it's just me and the kids.

If we're not going anywhere, the kids aren't wearing pants.

But guess what?

I stopped doing the laundry this week because Reuben asked me to read a book with him.

Dishes had to be put down because Ellie got tired and needed some Mama cuddles.

We eat on the floor because Reuben loves it and looks forward to our picnics. 

The playroom stays messy because we're always in there playing and using our imaginations.

Our kids are happy, healthy, and loved beyond measure. We sing, dance, learn, and explore. The laundry, dishes, and table meals will always be here. These sweet, sweet moments with my itty bitty babies will be gone before I know it. I mean, I'm already halfway through my uninterrupted time at home with Reuben! In just 2.5 years, he'll be gone from me more than he's with me. Woah. 

Are you there with me? Honestly, I don't think our kids will remember the laundry, toys, and dishes. They're going to remember the laughs laughed, books read, songs sung, and all the dances we make up. I am far from a great homemaker, but I'm praying, by God's grace, that my kids can look back on their lives and think I'm a great mama. 

five on friday//mom encouragement

This was a great week. A really great week. Not because of anything in particular, just because my attitude has changed (totally by God's grace, not my own doing!) and it makes the days a little brighter!

Here are some random bright spots and a few things I'd encourage you to check out!

1//mama needs a do-over

After a complete mama breakdown one night last week, Clint encouraged me to start a devotional on the YouVersion Bible App based off the book Mama Needs a Do-Over. It was only a 7 day devotional, so not a huge commitment, but I finished it today and wish it had been longer. It was so real. And so encouraging. And just plain good. How many times a day do you, as a mom, wish you could re-do something with your kids? A moment you lost your temper or were stressed about getting somewhere on time? Lisa Pennington gives super simple and applicable tips to help you regain your composure, redirect your kiddos, and get everybody's sight back on Christ and the joy He loves to give us. Download the devotional today!

2//dog baby

If given the opportunity, Ellie will roll herself over to the vertical blinds (by the way, vertical blinds are awful. Can I get an amen?!) and stare out the window, like a dog. I'm talking for 15-20 minutes, which is a loooooong time in 4.5 month old time. It never ceases to crack me up!

3//scripture memory

I've been learning that having my brain full of scripture is crucial to keeping a positive attitude. I realized I'm not really good at looking at cards or stuff throughout the day, but I see my hand all. the. time. So the last few days, I've written a verse on my hand. On top of me always seeing it, Reuben is always seeing it. He's in a phase where he asks questions about ev-er-y-thing. I probably read the verse off my hand at least 20 times a day after he said "What that say, mama? That from Bible, mama?" By the end of the day, I've gotten the verse engrained in my mind! I'm planning on moving towards verses that I want Reuben to learn, too, so that we can start saying them together. Simple things like "Love one another," "Be brave, strong, and courageous," and other ones that will help his toddler heart.

Use your toddler's curiosity and try it for yourself!

4//playtime

I knew eventually Ellie and Reuben would play together. It's what siblings do. But I didn't expect for it to be so early and for it to bring SO much joy to all of us. I will say, with playtime comes spats. A few days ago, Ellie was playing with Reuben's talking puppy and he decided it was time for him to play with it so he took it and walked off. Ellie acted like he had ripped her arm off and started throwing the biggest fit ever. First off, excuse me? Four months old and doing that? Lord, help me later. Second, I couldn't help but laugh as we got it straightened out. The first time of MANY, I'm sure!

5//sleep

It's oh-so-simple yet something every mom longs for. I've been able to get both kids asleep at the same time every day this week and catch a cat nap myself. HALLELUJAH! Naps make everything better. Grab one if you can! Don't make them too long though. Then you'll wake up confused and angry... trust me. I would know. ;-)

Linking up with these ^^^ wonderful blogs today. From the link-up? Let me know! I'd love to check out what's going on in your life this Friday!