when a messy house becomes a heart issue

I've mentioned it before, but I've never fancied myself a good homemaker. I wouldn't do laundry for over a week, I'd leave dirty pans in the sink "soaking" for days, the sink would fill up with dirty dishes while clean dishes were ready to be put away in the dishwasher, and more and more toys would make their way from the play room into the living room, never to be put away again. I was constantly stressed and always had a lingering to-do list in the back of my mind that I was putting off.

I had a LOT of excuses.

I was making memories with the kids.
I was busy.
I'm just not naturally a tidy person.
I never learned to clean from my mom. (Love ya, momma ;-) )
I'd learn how to clean... one day.

Then, a few weeks ago, I had the privilege of hearing Christine Caine speak two times in three days and God opened my eyes to something.

I was NOT being a good steward of the life He's blessed me with.

I was living in chaos and stress by choice. And by making that choice, I was making it for my family. I was stressed, short tempered, and overwhelmed and no where near the wife/mom I so badly desired to be. God gives us 24 hours every single day and I was choosing to waste them away because "I'd learn to clean one day when the kids are older/we have a bigger house/nicer house" and "I'm just not a good homemaker by nature."

Christine said a couple of things that were game changers for me.

We talk about what we don't have and where we're not instead of what we do have and where we are now. Unless you value this moment now, you'll never value that moment then.

Saying 'but God' is putting our inadequacies above God's ability to use us.

God has put me in this (not-so-nice) apartment with a toddler and baby right now. Why do I think that I will magically become a good homemaker when the kids are older and we live somewhere nicer? When I tell God I'm just not good at it, I'm saying that He's not big enough to give me the discipline I need to learn.

This last week has been a total 180. I did major cleaning Monday. The main living part of our house was spotless. So much so, that a friend who comes for dinner every Monday walked in and said, "Oh my gosh, Steph. You've got a kitchen!"

Tuesday I totally reorganized and cleaned the play room and Wednesday I tackled Reuben's room and bathroom. The kicker to all of this... it's all still clean. 

I'm doing simple things like actually putting away laundry every load. What a novel idea. Oh. And I'm putting things away when I'm done with them. Right when I'm done with them. Genius. I load the dishwasher throughout the day, run it at night, and Clint unloads it in the morning before work. It's all so attainable and... dare I say it... easy. *GASP*.

This is in no way a "Go ahead and give me a pat on the back" sort of post. It's more of a "you can do it" post to all the other struggling mamas out there. There is grace in busy seasons of life, don't get me wrong. But wasting your time and being a bad steward of it is just not ok to settle for and dwell in. Pray, pray, pray. You can't change anything in your own power, but through God changing your heart and spirit, you can!

3 tips to enjoy the beach with littles

We've been in Florida for almost three months. In those three months, we've been to the beach WAY more than I figured we would've. We aren't huuuuge beach people (we burn way too easily), but I feel like we're finally getting the hang of it. I'm definitely no professional, but I'm learning more each time, so I figured I'd share some tips here!



1. Don't go in the middle of the day.

That may sound like a "duh" kind of thing, but it seriously makes the biggest difference in heat, crowds, and overall moods for everyone involved. I made the mistake of taking the kids right before nap time (like 11ish) and it was awful. People everywhere, crazy hot, and everyone was hungry and tired. Since then, we only go in the morning or around dinner time. If we plan on going in the morning, we're out of the house by 8:00 and normally back in the car no later than 10:30. It's cooler with way fewer people. We've discovered lately that our favorite thing to do is to take dinner and eat on the beach and then play in the ocean for a little while afterwards. It's even less crowded and cooler than the morning and who doesn't like picnicking on the beach?

If you don't live at the beach and are just visiting, I'd recommend going back to the rental house/hotel for lunch/nap and then doing something indoors or the pool during the middle of the day heat. Basically something that's way less work intensive ;-)

2. Only take the necessities. 

I MAJORLY overpacked the first couple of times we went to the beach. Now, I take a towel for each of us, a bluetooth speaker to play music, a sippy cup of ice water, a tent for Ellie to hang out in, and Reuben's floaties. Changes of clothes, snacks, toys, sunscreen, etc all get left in the car and used before/after the trip. It makes it 100x easier to get there when you're carrying way less. I can fit everything (plus a huge king size blanket to sit on) in one Thirty-One Deluxe Utility Tote. If we're taking dinner, I make sure everything fits in a thermal tote. Clint carries that, I wear Ellie, and hold Reuben's hand on the walk. Piece of cake.

3. BABY. POWDER.

We hate sand. Like, hate it. All the rinsing in the world doesn't seem to rid us of it, and with a toddler who just wallows in it, there are parts you can't rinse off in public if you know what I mean. I can't remember where I heard it first, but someone told me that baby powder helps get sand off of you. Guys, it's life changing. A generous sprinkle of it on anything sandy and the sand just falls off. It's magical. We never go to the beach without it!

What's your best tip for making the beach with littles easier?

last week's food wins//black beans are our friends

It's been a while since I've been able to compile the food we've been loving. A teething baby and a two year old in the midst of... well, being a two year old, will do that to you. We've still been eating at home 95% of the time and loving it. We've settled into a pretty good rhythm and meal planning and shopping for it is getting easier and easier.

We've been eating a LOT of black beans lately since we've been cutting down on meat. These three recipes are so good that I've made them each twice in the last 2.5 weeks!

The biggest win in the last few weeks were these black bean burgers. I mean, Pioneer Woman. Yup.

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I follow the recipe pretty closely. The only change I made is using sriracha in the place of regular hot sauce and using a little bit of cayenne to add a nice little kick. We put some cheese and toast the buns up nicely and they're just so, so good. And really easy to reheat on the griddle with just a smidge more oil.

The next recipe we LOVED (including Reuben) are these black bean and cheese enchiladas. 

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Real talk- I completely skipped the whole making my own sauce because a'int nobody got time for that. I just used a can of Old El Paso from Winn Dixie (because we don't have Kroger down here :-( ) and called it good. So basically, it's a can of black beans, two cups of cheese, 12 corn tortillas, and a can of enchilada sauce. Doesn't get cheaper or easier than that. These are TASTY!

The last great recipe was this southwestern black bean casserole. 

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Again, this is so easy (notice a trend here?) and tasty. Reuben loves it and we do too. I always use a few more tortillas than it recommends because I like tortillas a lot. Let's be real. Oh, and I leave out cilantro just because I can't find it at Aldi and I don't feel like going somewhere else for that one ingredient when it tastes great without it.

What are you and your family loving this week?

when will I become a super mom?

My mom came down for a visit last week (hence the blogging break) and we had a fantastic time!

We saw sea turtles, ate dinner on the beach, and did lots and lots of shopping. Between all of that, we had some down time at the house during naps and after bedtimes. During that time, I was blown away with how much my mom could get done in such a short time. Stuff that would take me over an hour, she had done in less than half the time.

She can do dishes, laundry, and pick up simultaneously. My dishes came out of the dishwasher cleaner than I've ever seen them and she cleaned clothes I didn't even realize I had. She even cleaned out my CAR. None of that was asked for and it was all on top of hanging out with us, doing naps and bedtime with Reuben, and cuddling with Ellie. Oh. And with a bum hip. She's getting it replaced in less than a month!

I don't know about you, but I struggle with daily household stuff every.single.day. Will I get these mom superpowers one day, too?!

I sure hope I do. It'd make me that much more like the best mom in the world. :)

the Lord gives, the Lord takes away. part 2

Here is part 2 of our story. Make sure you've read part 1 before continuing on here. It's crazy to read back through this two years after writing it. By God's grace, we've added another baby to the mix, born only 5 days after the two year anniversary of saying bye to our first. Our sweet, sweet first baby may've not been here long, but it had a lasting impact on me and Clint. We are so very thankful for it's short life and so look forward to meeting it in heaven!

So, the Lord had given us a baby.

And then the Lord took that baby away to be with Him.

I had been meditating in the fact that no matter what, the Lord was to be praised, but seriously? Why couldn't he have just given us that precious babe and never taken it away? Why did he have to bring that scripture up to me over and over and over again? It was like rubbing salt in a wound. Every time I thought of it, I'd instantly be angry that I had to know the side of praising the Lord even when He took something away. Let's be real. It's easy to praise the Lord when He's given us something! When he's taken that something away? It gets a lot harder.

The days following the miscarriage I cried. A LOT. Like an ugly, ugly cry. I'd never felt pain/hurt/sorrow like I did in those days. I was mad at God. SO mad. It wasn't fair. And I felt broken. Why couldn't my body carry a baby? And I felt so, so, so alone. Every where I looked was a reminder of the baby that wasn't going to be coming home with us in December. 

But you know what?

Through all of it, God was good. More than good. He was great.

I'm honestly having a hard time putting into words how well He took care of us and how much he blessed us through the following days, but I want to share some moments so that He gets the glory and so that I'll never forget. Some of them are huge and some of them are so small you'll probably laugh that I even consider them a God thing. But every single one was proof of God not leaving us and was loving us so, so well...

- On Sunday, before we knew for sure what was happening, we jokingly said if we lost the baby, we'd tack on a trip to Disney World before our cruise because "You can't be sad at the happiest place on Earth." When we got off the phone with the nurse on Monday afternoon, Clint said, "Looks like we're heading to Disney." We had no money for that. Like zero. But we needed to get away. To put our minds somewhere else after the 48 hours of torture they'd already endured. Well, between Monday afternoon and Tuesday night before we'd gone to bed, we'd gotten a little over $500 out of no where. We hadn't asked anybody for a single penny, but between friends and family feeling prompted by God, we'd gotten close to $225 and then opened an envelope from our bank that had a $300 check from "overages on our escrow." I asked my dad if that happened a lot and he said no and we've never seen a check like it since that night. The money we'd gotten covered our gas, hotel room, tickets, and food in the park PERFECTLY. None left over, but nothing uncovered.

- Our friends went above and beyond taking care of us. We let our small group know what was going on Sunday and they jumped into action. Our friends Micha and Hunter came over with lunch, watched a movie with us, and prayed over us before they left. Our other friends Cara and Jason dropped off a surprise on our doorstep of goodies for our trip. We had constant texts telling us they were praying for us and encouragement for the long road ahead. God has surrounded us with the best friends we could ever ask for.

- A guy who works in our student ministry as a volunteer worked for Gaylord at the time and told us earlier in the year that he'd hook us up with a room at Gaylord Palms and a car to and from our cruise ship for only $100. We gladly took him up on the offer! So fast forward to Friday. We're exhausted by 6:00 pm because neither of us had been sleeping well so we decided to peace out of Magic Kingdom and go to our room and try and get sleep before our cruise. When we got to our room, we found out it wasn't an average room. He'd gotten us a suite that was bigger than our first apartment! It was gigantic. and perfect. and exactly the surprise we needed to lift our spirits.

- Sitting in our massive suite, our moods still started to droop. Night times were just so hard. Clint was getting ready for bed in the bathroom and I was sitting in the living room, trying not to cry when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and It was a tray full of goodies with a note from JB. Not only were there goodies, they were my FAVORITE goodies! It was Dr. Pepper, Diet Coke, chocolate chip cookies with milk, Peanut M&MS, and a few bags of potato chips. There was no way they knew those were all of my favorite guilty pleasures. It was a God thing. He knew I needed that little ray of sun in that moment.

- We booked our cruise in March 2011 and had it paid off 4-5 months before any of this ever happened. It was not a coincidence that it was 6 days after our miscarriage. The Lord knew we were going to need to get away and had provided it, before we ever knew it was a need. 

Those are just the moments that happened the week after. There've been countless more. Like the fact God put me in a small group of staff wives where 4 out of the other 6 had experienced pregnancy loss. Or the time two dear friends prayed over me, at two different times, saying they felt like the Lord was going to give us another child soon, while I was already pregnant with Reuben and had no idea!

My relationship with Clint and with God changed completely on April 22, 2012. I know, love, and trust Clint in a deeper way than before. We grew up a lot. We were forced to be honest with each other. We saw sides of each other we'd never seen before, even after being best friends since middle school. And I know, love, and trust God more now than I ever have. I had to rely on him. He was my only hope. My only constant in a crazy storm. The only one who had any answers and who could provide comfort that passed all understanding.

Yes, we have a sweet child here on Earth with us now. And pray that we'll have more and more. But there will always be a special place in my heart for that baby. I long for the day I get to meet them in heaven. Until then, my prayer is that their life, no matter how short it was, will count. That what I learned from it will be able to help other women going through the same thing. You are NOT alone.

I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever ask to be put through that. Like, EVER. But.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God. Is. Good.

the Lord give, the Lord takes away. part 1.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. When I was talking about things I knew before I had kids, I alluded to the fact we'd lost a baby. I shared my story on an old blog two years ago and I'm not sure I could put it into any better words today so I will simply paste it here. It's long, so there will be a part 1 and part 2. To this day, it brings tears of thankfulness to my eyes to think of how good God was to us in the hardest moments of our lives. I hope and pray that anyone reading this who has found themselves grieving a child they never knew will find hope in Christ. Please, don't hesitate to contact me here, on Instagram, or on Facebook. I would love the chance to listen to your story, pray for you, and encourage you.



I can't for the life of me remember why I decided to take a test that Monday night. Clint was staying with our pastor's sons while he and his wife were out of town and I'd just left them for the evening at Buffalo Wild Wings. I wonder if something had tasted funny and got me to thinking, "When was I supposed to start again? Oh yea. Today."

Whatever it was, I decided to take a test when I got home. Just me and our dogs. I went to the bathroom and left the test to do it's thing while I let the dogs out. I came back 5 minutes later, just like the test told me to... and there was a second line. WHAT?!?!?! So obviously, I freak out. Like have a mini panic attack. I call Clint, trying to be calm...

Me: Um... I need you to come home.
Clint: Why?
Me: Because.
Clint: Because, why? I can't just leave Sam and Josh here.
Me: BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT AND FREAKING OUT IS WHY!!!
Clint: What?!
Me: I'm pregnant. Don't you dare tell Josh and Sam. Just get here. Now.

As I sat there and waited for him, I started to journal. We'd been trying for quite a few months by that point, and I wanted to remember every second of this moment. The only thing I could think of was Job 1:21. 

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

I knew how delicate new life is and I knew I wanted to love and celebrate this baby that God had given me for this moment because I wasn't guaranteed another.

Clint got home and we screamed and celebrated. Called our best friends, Jonathan and Miriam, and just tried to let it soak in. 

We were going to be parents.

I was about 5 weeks along and we started doing all of the exciting baby things we'd been talking about doing. We went to Target to find some cute stuff as gifts to tell our parents. We got Clint's parents a little onesie that said something about grandma and we got my parents a copy of "Go Dog Go" because it was my favorite book when I was little and wrote in there it was for them to read to their grandbaby. We recorded it all. They were and still are precious memories.

We had scheduled a Disney cruise for the end of the month and a couple of the excursions weren't pregnancy friendly so I went online and canceled them, joyfully.

We had some family pictures scheduled with our photographer, Amelia Moore, for that Friday. What perfect timing! We could take announcement pictures to use when we were in the safe zone AND capture our life before baby in one shoot. Plus, Amelia had shot our wedding. How cool that she was going to be able to capture this next step.

We wrote "Baby Lamberth December 2012" on that chalkboard heart for our announcement shots. 

Clint was telling me in this picture he hoped the baby "had my brains."

We were so deliriously happy and in love.

Sunday morning I got up around 6:00 and had to pee. I wiped and saw the slightest tinge of pink and honestly didn't think much of it. Clint left to go to church and I went back to sleep since I didn't have to be there until 10:30. When I got up for the day and went to the bathroom, I saw more pink. I started to get uncomfortable seeing it, but I'd read it was normal. By the time it was time to go to church, it was a lot more than pink. I knew something wasn't right. I called Clint and told him. Told him I couldn't come to church. Told him I needed him to come home. I'd called the doctor on call at my OBGYN and she said to just stay in bed and come in the next day, but that if I was losing it, there was nothing they could do about it. 

I got off the phone with Clint and have never, ever felt so alone and desperate in my life. I sat in my bed literally crying out to God to save our baby. To make all of it go away. I was reminded so many times throughout the day that it wasn't going anywhere. Things were only looking more and more grim.

After some blood tests on Monday, it was confirmed that the baby had died. My levels were no where near where they should've been at 6 weeks. I'd had a miscarriage. I was no longer pregnant.

We weren't going to be parents.

headbands for hope

Coming down to Florida, where I didn't know anybody, gave me a LOT of extra time to sit and dream. I've been reading Restless and Mama Needs a Do-Over since moving and both have been challenging me and reminding me that while I'm a mom, I'm me. Becoming a mom doesn't mean I can't have my own dreams, aspirations, and passions. So often, I'm stuck in the rut of dirty diapers, smudgey faces, bath time and bedtime routines, and quieting crying children that I forget about myself. A lot of days, it's all I can do to make it to bedtime. And I mean MY bedtime, not theirs. While God has met me in my exhaustion and been good to me, I still felt like there was something missing.

This blog was a step in the right direction. I've always loved writing and communicating. I have a degree in public speaking, for crying out loud! To have a place to write and put all my thoughts in one place has been good for my heart. 

I still felt like I have gifts and passions that just weren't being used. 

One day a few weeks ago, I woke up with a legitimate need to make something. Anything. I was feeling dried up and needed to give my creativity a lap around the track. I ended up whipping Ellie up a headband. 

It was simple, sweet, and I really enjoyed making it. She got a ton of compliments on it and people said they'd love to have one for their kid. It got my wheels turning. I could do that! I could make headbands for other people's kids! But I felt like there needed to be more to it. 

The last few years have taught me that moms need each other. Especially in the beginning. Being a mom is hard. The first several weeks of Reuben's life were harder than I could've ever imagined. It was lonely, depressing, isolating, and painful. I had more support than I could've ever asked for, but I still struggled. I want to use those bad experiences to give other mamas hope.

Enter in Place of Hope. It's a ministry that was born out of Christ Fellowship and now supports children in South Florida from the womb, all the way to out of high school.

Being a young, single mom has to be harder and scarier than I could ever imagine. Place of Hope has a ministry they call Joann's Cottage. They take in mamas and mamas-to-be who have nowhere to go but are choosing life, and give them a roof over their head, food, the opportunity of an education, parenting classes, and so much more, all in a Christ-centered environment. We're talking girls still in high school, girls kicked out of their homes, victims of rape, girls. with. no one. If anyone had the "right" to choose to not have a baby, it's these girls. But they're choosing life. And they NEED support. That's just what Joann's Cottage is giving them! They're meeting their needs on every level-physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

I reached out to them, and I'm so happy to say I get to partner with them to help these mamas!

A portion of every single headband and bib I make and sell will go straight to meeting the needs of Joann's Cottage. It may look different every month, but I'm so excited to share with you how you are able to help bless them, simply by buying an accessory!

All of the info will be on my SHOP page and will constantly be updated with new fabric options and anything I feel led to add to the shop.

Please share this with your friends and consider buying some for birthdays, Christmas, showers, or even yourself---they come in adult size (the headbands, not the bibs ;-) )!

Come alongside me and let's support these new moms! 

homemaker and mama don't always mesh

I always thought that the day I got to be a stay at home mom, my house would become immaculate and we'd always have a fridge full of options and hot, tasty food on the table (where we'd all sit together every night of the week and have rousing conversation while we oohed and ahhed over the deliciousness of the food).

Spoiler alert: That's not the case.

I've been a stay at home mom a little over a year, and I'm still just a few steps ahead of where I was when I worked full time.

If were having people over, we still have to scurry to get it cleaned up in time for them to come in.

The sink is full of dirty dishes more than it's not.

Laundry stays folded piled in the hamper until we wear it again and move it to the dirty clothes hamper (or floor). 

The toy room stays chaotic except for the once a week cleaning Reuben and I do. 

We eat lunch on the floor 6/7 days a week. Sometimes dinner if it's just me and the kids.

If we're not going anywhere, the kids aren't wearing pants.

But guess what?

I stopped doing the laundry this week because Reuben asked me to read a book with him.

Dishes had to be put down because Ellie got tired and needed some Mama cuddles.

We eat on the floor because Reuben loves it and looks forward to our picnics. 

The playroom stays messy because we're always in there playing and using our imaginations.

Our kids are happy, healthy, and loved beyond measure. We sing, dance, learn, and explore. The laundry, dishes, and table meals will always be here. These sweet, sweet moments with my itty bitty babies will be gone before I know it. I mean, I'm already halfway through my uninterrupted time at home with Reuben! In just 2.5 years, he'll be gone from me more than he's with me. Woah. 

Are you there with me? Honestly, I don't think our kids will remember the laundry, toys, and dishes. They're going to remember the laughs laughed, books read, songs sung, and all the dances we make up. I am far from a great homemaker, but I'm praying, by God's grace, that my kids can look back on their lives and think I'm a great mama. 

last week's food wins//vegetarian, WHAT?!

Clint and I like meat. Like really like it. We eat it every dinner. Meat and a side. But ya know what? Meat is expensive. And according to Forks Over Knives, it's not even that good for you. I decided to leave it out of several meals this week. Not only did I get food for an entire 7 days (plus some) for under $100 (details next week. Hint: Aldi), we didn't even miss it!

One night I tried Pasta with Tomato Cream Sauce from The Pioneer Woman.

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This was super easy to make and really tasty! I started the sauce and then just let it do its thing while I put Reuben to sleep and by the time I was done, it was ready to move on to the next step. I substituted greek yogurt in for heavy cream to save some serious calories and add in some more protein. Just swap out a cup of yogurt for the cup of cream. Worked like a charm and saved over 700 calories.

I'm not sure you caught that. A simple swap saved over SEVEN. HUNDRED. CALORIES. 

Next up was Crock Pot Potato Soup. 

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Ok, technically we did have some bacon in this, but leave that off and it's meat-free! This took a little bit more work than my regular crock pot potato soup because I used fresh potato instead of frozen hash browns, but it was tastier, so totally worth it. Again, I swapped out heavy cream for greek yogurt. I left out the thyme because Aldi didn't have it and I didn't want to buy a ton of it for one recipe. We didn't miss it at all.

Fun Florida story. I told Clint I had decided to make this soup for dinner and that he should invite someone over because we had plenty. He mentioned it to our friend, Kevin, who said, "What's potato soup?"

WHAT'S POTATO SOUP?!

Then he asked a few more people in the office and NONE OF THEM HAD EVER HAD IT BEFORE. Kevin's wife, Brittany, had it one time at a restaurant, but that's it. Apparently this is a southern thing that has not quite made it down here? We'll be happy to start the introductions.

The last, and absolutely most surprising one, was Black Bean Tacos with Avocado Cilantro-Lime Sauce.

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Guys, this. was. DELICIOUS. I can't get over how much I loved it. We all loved it. Reuben ate it happily, too! The beans were rich and delicious and the sauce had an amazing zing to it. The filling can't get easier. Literally two cans of beans, a cup of salsa, and some cumin heated and smushed together. Reuben could've made dinner if he could use a can opener. We added a pinch of cheese and used flour tortillas because Aldi didn't have corn, but it would've been gluten free and vegan and just as delicious without that. Clint made some breakfast tacos for lunch over the weekend and added some of the leftover sauce to them and it took them to a whole new level. 

If you or anybody in your family is skeptical of meat-free meals, I seriously encourage you to try the tacos out and see what they think. 

Clint and I have decided we're going to cut our meat consumption down to 3 times a week and see how it goes. I want to make sure we're replacing it with good, nutritious food and not just carbs on carbs on carbs. It will be a challenge, but Pinterest absolutely helps! Check out all my boards here. I just pinned a vegetarian crock pot pin that looks like I hit the motherload. I can't wait to try some out and tell y'all about them!

Have you ever been surprised by a meat free meal? Have any favorites I should try? Let me know!

four things I wish someone had told me before I had children

Remember back in the day when you found a disposable camera you'd forgotten about? The anticipation to know what memories you'd captured on it? Well, while we were packing up to move down here, I'd found some camera cards I didn't know we had and the same giddy excitement came over me. I finally got around to looking at them this weekend and found some gems.

Pictures of our last Disney Cruise.

Pictures from our friend's rehearsal dinner.

Pictures of our BFF's kid (turning 4) eating solids for the first time.

And the very best find...

That's my very first "bump" picture during my pregnancy with Reuben. I was maaaaaybe 5 weeks pregnant and "feeling it". HA.

I was full of fear (we'd previously lost a baby, but that's another post for another day) and, clearly, anticipation and excitement. I just knew motherhood would be the most wonderful experience. After all, we'd been trying and dreaming about it for the last 6 months. I was over the moon about meeting the little human who would be half me and half Clint. Little did I know, the tiny human in my belly would basically be a Clint clone. ;-)

Nine months later, my world was completely rocked. It was NOTHING like I thought it would be. I was honestly a little angry no one had told me what to expect because What to Expect When You're Expecting was not cutting it. Since Reuben's birth, I've tried to be real with first time moms like I wish people had been with me. These are some things I always share...

1. Birth and the days following may not go the way you planned. That's ok.

I'd planned to go into labor on my own, preferably as close to my due date as possible to give baby plenty of time to cook. Baby would be placed on my belly for skin to skin and eagerly latch right on to nurse for the first time. No pacifier or supplementation in the hospital. Head home the next day.

Literally nothing went as planned. I ended up having a cessation a little after 37 weeks because I was very sick without knowing it. Because of the sickness, I was drugged up in the hospital for the next 5 days, waiting for my platelet count to go up and my blood pressure to go down. My milk wasn't coming in, Reuben was a lazy nurser, and he lost 10% of his birth weight. The pediatrician said we needed to supplement to get him on the right track. It was all so incredibly discouraging. I was afraid and unsure of everything. 

But you know what? God redeemed all of it. My best friend helped us get on track with breastfeeding and he went on to nurse for 18 months. If I hadn't gotten sick and Reuben had come on his own around his due date, there's a really good chance we'd never have ended up in Florida. The birth experience does not define you as a mother. God is bigger than all of that and has it all in His hands.

2. You may not like your baby right away. That's ok.

I always envisioned my baby coming out and feeling instant heart eyes. After all, they would've grown inside me the last 9 months. Of course I'd connect with them. What I didn't realize is that your baby will be a brand new person who you wouldn't really know and who doesnt't really know you. We'd have to learn how each other worked. The love was always there. The like? Not so much.

Post partum hormones are no joke, y'all. They left me feeling isolated and so, so lonely. The irrational part of me blamed Reuben because I didn't feel that way before him. When he was two weeks old, refusing to nurse, and screaming uncontrollably around midnight, I put him down on the bed with Clint, screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE," and left the room to go cry by myself. Talk about a low point. 

I spent a lot of time praying to God for patience, peace, and love for Reuben. I'll never forget looking at him when he was five weeks old, sitting in his swing, and thinking, "I can do this mom thing. I like you buddy." 

3. You'll do things you said you'd never do. That's ok.

The "perfect" parents have never actually parented anybody. I was one of them when I was pregnant. I knew exactly how I'd do everything: where he'd sleep (rock n play for a few weeks until he moved to his crib), what he'd eat (I'd make all his food from organic fruits and veggies), and how he'd act in public (perfectly behaved and NEVER on our phone). The joke was definitely on me.

He ended up sleeping with us because I realized how much more sleep I got. He ate jarred foods at first and then finally just whatever we were eating because I was over making his own food after I did it one time. He also got our phones out in public if he started freaking out when we were trying to have a conversation with other adults. 

You know what I realized? You do what works for your family. Find your groove and roll with it. As long as it's not dangerous to you or your baby, you're all happy and healthy, and it works, go on with ya bad self.

4. It. Is. Worth. It.

Motherhood is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, but I wouldn't trade a single second of it for anything in the whole world. The sleepless nights, the tears, the hormones, the stank (seriously, showering is a luxury), the poop, the feelings, they're all worth it. One day, your baby will smile at you and it'll melt your heart. Then one day, they'll crawl/walk over to you and give you a kiss all on their own accord and leave you crying puddles on the floor. Later on, they'll look at you and say, "I love you, mama," completely unprompted. Gosh. Be still my heart.

Watching them grow from screaming lumps of chub into little people with distinct personalities, likes/dislikes, and quirks is indescribable. It's worth it a million times over.

What are some things you wish people had told you before you became a mother?

five on friday//mom encouragement

This was a great week. A really great week. Not because of anything in particular, just because my attitude has changed (totally by God's grace, not my own doing!) and it makes the days a little brighter!

Here are some random bright spots and a few things I'd encourage you to check out!

1//mama needs a do-over

After a complete mama breakdown one night last week, Clint encouraged me to start a devotional on the YouVersion Bible App based off the book Mama Needs a Do-Over. It was only a 7 day devotional, so not a huge commitment, but I finished it today and wish it had been longer. It was so real. And so encouraging. And just plain good. How many times a day do you, as a mom, wish you could re-do something with your kids? A moment you lost your temper or were stressed about getting somewhere on time? Lisa Pennington gives super simple and applicable tips to help you regain your composure, redirect your kiddos, and get everybody's sight back on Christ and the joy He loves to give us. Download the devotional today!

2//dog baby

If given the opportunity, Ellie will roll herself over to the vertical blinds (by the way, vertical blinds are awful. Can I get an amen?!) and stare out the window, like a dog. I'm talking for 15-20 minutes, which is a loooooong time in 4.5 month old time. It never ceases to crack me up!

3//scripture memory

I've been learning that having my brain full of scripture is crucial to keeping a positive attitude. I realized I'm not really good at looking at cards or stuff throughout the day, but I see my hand all. the. time. So the last few days, I've written a verse on my hand. On top of me always seeing it, Reuben is always seeing it. He's in a phase where he asks questions about ev-er-y-thing. I probably read the verse off my hand at least 20 times a day after he said "What that say, mama? That from Bible, mama?" By the end of the day, I've gotten the verse engrained in my mind! I'm planning on moving towards verses that I want Reuben to learn, too, so that we can start saying them together. Simple things like "Love one another," "Be brave, strong, and courageous," and other ones that will help his toddler heart.

Use your toddler's curiosity and try it for yourself!

4//playtime

I knew eventually Ellie and Reuben would play together. It's what siblings do. But I didn't expect for it to be so early and for it to bring SO much joy to all of us. I will say, with playtime comes spats. A few days ago, Ellie was playing with Reuben's talking puppy and he decided it was time for him to play with it so he took it and walked off. Ellie acted like he had ripped her arm off and started throwing the biggest fit ever. First off, excuse me? Four months old and doing that? Lord, help me later. Second, I couldn't help but laugh as we got it straightened out. The first time of MANY, I'm sure!

5//sleep

It's oh-so-simple yet something every mom longs for. I've been able to get both kids asleep at the same time every day this week and catch a cat nap myself. HALLELUJAH! Naps make everything better. Grab one if you can! Don't make them too long though. Then you'll wake up confused and angry... trust me. I would know. ;-)

Linking up with these ^^^ wonderful blogs today. From the link-up? Let me know! I'd love to check out what's going on in your life this Friday!

last week's food wins//"chick-fil-a" nuggets

Last week was CUH-RA-ZY. Clint was gone way more often than he wasn't and we were just off our game. There was a lot of cereal, PB&Js, and snack-food-made-dinners for me and Reuben.

However, I DID cook dinner for our guest, Josh. One night, I made the turkey burgers from last week because they're literally that good. The other, I decided to revisit a recipe I'd made one of our first months in Knoxville.

Just check this picture out.

Copycat Chick-fil-A chicken nuggets.

Guys. These things are soooooooooo good. They're definitely Chick-fil-A quality. And I ate the leftovers on a Sunday. It doesn't get much better than Chick-fil-A on a Sunday.

I followed the recipe pretty much to the point besides not having time to let the chicken soak in the milk/egg mixture. I popped them right in and out and they still tasted fantastic. Also, I had to cook them a little longer than 3 minutes per side to get them golden brown, but I was using a regular, non-stick skillet. It may be completely different in a cast iron skillet like they use. Next time, I plan to sprinkle in the tiniest bit of cayenne just for a lil' somethin' special.

What are you guys eating this week?

buzz lightyear

Buzz Lightyear is Reuben's favorite person in the world under Jesus and his family. He wants to watch every movie every day and would if we let him. That'd be 4.5 hours of Toy Story a day. Reuben's dream day.

He's met Buzz at Disney a few different times and always gets legitimately starstruck.

Right before we left Knoxville, I went to a consignment sale to get some "fall and winter" clothes (which really don't matter down here, I've come to find out). I found a Buzz Lightyear costume IN REUBEN'S SIZE. I grabbed it and would've paid just about anything for it, but did a happy dance right there in the aisle when I saw it was $5. Then, I went to the toy section and found Buzz Lightyear WINGS. Real, working wings. Obviously not flying, but alllllll of the buttons make his catch phrases come out of a tiny speaker. Five. Dollars.

We busted them out on a slow day last week and he was convinced he WAS Buzz. He'd press his "laser" on his arm and go "zoomzoomzoom" and a million other adorable things. 

Gosh. I can't even handle how cute this still a toddler, not quite a preschooler phase is. 

To infinity and beyond, little buddy!

five on friday // 1

five random goodies from my brain

1//friends visiting

We have company this weekend! Our friend, Josh, came down to stay with us for the weekend. He and Clint are going to the Titans game in Tampa on Sunday. Reuben LOVES Josh and asked about him every single day when we told him he was coming down. We're so happy to have him with us and are not-so-secretly hoping he falls in love with West Palm Beach and decides to move down here.

2//living room naps

Ellie is now 4 months old. Why do I feel like I'm a first time mom all over again sometimes?! She currently takes 95% of her naps on the floor in the living room on a blanket. She's not on any sort of schedule, I just get her to sleep when she starts seeming fussy. There has to be a better way. I just haven't had the time/brain capacity to sit and figure it out logistically. The big plus side? She's stinking' adorable when she sleeps and I can sit and oogle her as long as my heart desires when she's in the same room.

3//sibling love

Ellie is waking up to Reuben and he is loving it. He's always doing stuff to make her laugh, helping her with toys, talking to her, and just generally being an adorable older brother.

4//"fall"

"Fall" does not mean fall in south florida. Womp womp. It's hard to get excited about a season when it's still 90 degrees outside and you're in shorts and tank tops. I hear I'll get used to it and grow to love it, but I'm not convinced. Tennessee is too gorgeous to not miss.

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5//"restless"

I've been working my way through this book over the last few weeks and it is wonderful. Exactly what I need in this phase of life. When I'm done, I'm going to do a whole post about it, but take this little snippet and be encouraged. 

"Great people do not do great things; God does great things THROUGH surrendered people."

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What's going on in your world this week?

Linking up for Five on Friday!

#tbt

Because when you stumble across a picture of you and your babe just 6 short months ago that feels like years ago, it deserves a #tbt. Sweet, sweet baby Reuben.

He was in the middle of making his elephant noise in preparation to ride the safari at Animal Kingdom.

Gosh. I love that boy!

last week's food wins

I'd never claim to be a fantastic cook. I try, but my go to will always be pan fried chicken and pasta because that's what I ate 90% of my childhood. #pickyeater

Pinterest is my go-to for new recipes. Sometimes they're a hit, other times they're a BIG ol' miss. Last week was FULL of wins for me. Every dinner, Clint raved about how yummy it was. Reuben, not so much. His toddler taste buds will get there, I'm sure.

First one was Wednesday. Steak salad. Gosh, I wanted to eat that entire 16 oz of sirloin all by myself. It was THAT GOOD.

I've never cooked a steak in my life. I did some research (AKA googled) and saw there were a ton of different ways. I took a bunch of them and combined them to what sounded best to me. First, I set the steak out to get to room temp, dried it really well, and did a very generous sprinkling of freshly ground pepper and kosher salt. Then,  I got our nonstick pan suuuuuuuper hot, sprayed it with a little cooking spray, and stuck the steak in there. Three minutes on each side and a couple on the fatty side to get it to render off, and we were left with this. It was melt in your mouth good.

Reuben didn't love it. He said "Oh! I try steak!... Oh. I no like that." We'll try again, little guy. Clint said it was one of the best steaks he's ever had. BAM.

Cut up some zuchinni, shred some carrots, roast a little corn, and toss in some shredded cheese on top of your spring mix. Dinner. Is. Served.

The next night we did greek yogurt pancakes.

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I fried up some turkey bacon and scrambled some eggs to go with these. I doubled the recipe to make sure we had some leftover for the next few days of breakfast. They're delicious popped in the toaster! I added some chocolate chips to a few since we were out of syrup and we gobbled them up. And guys, they've got greek yogurt in them. Instantly healthy.

I'd say the creme de la creme were these turkey and zucchini burgers.

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I used sweet onion instead of red onion and used a little more zucchini than it called for, but it still tasted great and I was able to make 6 patties instead of 5. They seared beautifully and cooked really quickly. We put them on some pretzel buns I'd found at aldi. YUM. We ate the again the next night, they were THAT good.

Tell me, what have your dinner wins been lately?