four things I wish someone had told me before I had children

Remember back in the day when you found a disposable camera you'd forgotten about? The anticipation to know what memories you'd captured on it? Well, while we were packing up to move down here, I'd found some camera cards I didn't know we had and the same giddy excitement came over me. I finally got around to looking at them this weekend and found some gems.

Pictures of our last Disney Cruise.

Pictures from our friend's rehearsal dinner.

Pictures of our BFF's kid (turning 4) eating solids for the first time.

And the very best find...

That's my very first "bump" picture during my pregnancy with Reuben. I was maaaaaybe 5 weeks pregnant and "feeling it". HA.

I was full of fear (we'd previously lost a baby, but that's another post for another day) and, clearly, anticipation and excitement. I just knew motherhood would be the most wonderful experience. After all, we'd been trying and dreaming about it for the last 6 months. I was over the moon about meeting the little human who would be half me and half Clint. Little did I know, the tiny human in my belly would basically be a Clint clone. ;-)

Nine months later, my world was completely rocked. It was NOTHING like I thought it would be. I was honestly a little angry no one had told me what to expect because What to Expect When You're Expecting was not cutting it. Since Reuben's birth, I've tried to be real with first time moms like I wish people had been with me. These are some things I always share...

1. Birth and the days following may not go the way you planned. That's ok.

I'd planned to go into labor on my own, preferably as close to my due date as possible to give baby plenty of time to cook. Baby would be placed on my belly for skin to skin and eagerly latch right on to nurse for the first time. No pacifier or supplementation in the hospital. Head home the next day.

Literally nothing went as planned. I ended up having a cessation a little after 37 weeks because I was very sick without knowing it. Because of the sickness, I was drugged up in the hospital for the next 5 days, waiting for my platelet count to go up and my blood pressure to go down. My milk wasn't coming in, Reuben was a lazy nurser, and he lost 10% of his birth weight. The pediatrician said we needed to supplement to get him on the right track. It was all so incredibly discouraging. I was afraid and unsure of everything. 

But you know what? God redeemed all of it. My best friend helped us get on track with breastfeeding and he went on to nurse for 18 months. If I hadn't gotten sick and Reuben had come on his own around his due date, there's a really good chance we'd never have ended up in Florida. The birth experience does not define you as a mother. God is bigger than all of that and has it all in His hands.

2. You may not like your baby right away. That's ok.

I always envisioned my baby coming out and feeling instant heart eyes. After all, they would've grown inside me the last 9 months. Of course I'd connect with them. What I didn't realize is that your baby will be a brand new person who you wouldn't really know and who doesnt't really know you. We'd have to learn how each other worked. The love was always there. The like? Not so much.

Post partum hormones are no joke, y'all. They left me feeling isolated and so, so lonely. The irrational part of me blamed Reuben because I didn't feel that way before him. When he was two weeks old, refusing to nurse, and screaming uncontrollably around midnight, I put him down on the bed with Clint, screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE," and left the room to go cry by myself. Talk about a low point. 

I spent a lot of time praying to God for patience, peace, and love for Reuben. I'll never forget looking at him when he was five weeks old, sitting in his swing, and thinking, "I can do this mom thing. I like you buddy." 

3. You'll do things you said you'd never do. That's ok.

The "perfect" parents have never actually parented anybody. I was one of them when I was pregnant. I knew exactly how I'd do everything: where he'd sleep (rock n play for a few weeks until he moved to his crib), what he'd eat (I'd make all his food from organic fruits and veggies), and how he'd act in public (perfectly behaved and NEVER on our phone). The joke was definitely on me.

He ended up sleeping with us because I realized how much more sleep I got. He ate jarred foods at first and then finally just whatever we were eating because I was over making his own food after I did it one time. He also got our phones out in public if he started freaking out when we were trying to have a conversation with other adults. 

You know what I realized? You do what works for your family. Find your groove and roll with it. As long as it's not dangerous to you or your baby, you're all happy and healthy, and it works, go on with ya bad self.

4. It. Is. Worth. It.

Motherhood is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, but I wouldn't trade a single second of it for anything in the whole world. The sleepless nights, the tears, the hormones, the stank (seriously, showering is a luxury), the poop, the feelings, they're all worth it. One day, your baby will smile at you and it'll melt your heart. Then one day, they'll crawl/walk over to you and give you a kiss all on their own accord and leave you crying puddles on the floor. Later on, they'll look at you and say, "I love you, mama," completely unprompted. Gosh. Be still my heart.

Watching them grow from screaming lumps of chub into little people with distinct personalities, likes/dislikes, and quirks is indescribable. It's worth it a million times over.

What are some things you wish people had told you before you became a mother?